In 2025, Lesbian Bed Death founder and rhythm guitarist Dan Peach (AKA Mr Peach) decided to take his love of trashy horror films beyond simply making music. He decided to make an actual film. Having directed a number of the bands videos, Dan felt it was time to step up and make a feature film. And here it is, Satan’s Cellar. But is it any good? Well, read on to find out…
Satan’s Cellar uses the well trodden conceit of being an anthology film, similar to classics such as Tales From the Crypt, And Now The Screaming, etc. A wraparound story is present featuring the fictional band Half Eaten Angels being involved in a “Battle Of The Bands” which is taking place at the titular venue. Their competition is an over the top black/death metal band, and a ridiculously dumb and misogynistic pop-punk band.
To try and guarantee a win, the band go camping and tell stories to an effigy of an ancient god. Each of these stories makes up a segment of the film (obviously). We get vampire estate agents, a supernatural killer, a crazed killer femme fatale, a lycanthropic priest, and an immortal family guarding a secret. Each segment is only a few minutes long, as the film has an all too brief 75 minute runtime, but each one is wonderfully camp and entertaining. I particularly enjoyed the opening vampire segment, and the werewolf priest (which definitely needs expanding upon).
The film does have a feel of the old Amicus anthologies to it, with a contemporary edge in it’s sparingly used but effective gore. The acting isn’t always the best, but it all fits the tone of the film perfectly. Everyone knows they are making a b-movie horror film, and throws themselves into it with gusto (especially the bands frontwoman JJ, who is clearly having a ball being a crazed “scientist” experimenting on idiots who match with her on a dating app called “FUKR”).
As a film, it is really well shot, given the constraints of the budget and locations available. Dan has an eye for a shot, and his love of the genre shines through in every frame. Eerie lighting, fog, odd angles… it’s all there to be enjoyed. And the soundtrack is naturally provided by Lesbian Bed Death (and is available from their website right now). The only negative I can have is the all too brief run time.
If you want to see this film, at the minute the only way to do so if by picking up a copy from the bands merch desk at their gigs, so I heartily suggest that you get to one of their shows and bag yourself a copy. It’s camp, gory, and a love letter to a bygone era of anthology film making.
4.5/5: Bloody good fun.
Website: https://lesbianbeddeathband.blogspot.com/
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